A long winter break
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The six-week holiday was a welcome break from the routine of driving to and from Leadville, the grind of helping Harrison with homework, and the worry of what sort of adventure he was getting into when I was not there with him. I caught up on some sleep, and coached Harrison through his winter training schedule provided by Coach Darren. While it was good to have him home, it was also challenging. He now was accustomed to a new level of independence. Our small house seemed even smaller.
All the while he was battling anxiety about going back. He often expressed a desire to not return. We told him he didn’t have to go back if he didn’t want to, but also made it clear we thought he would miss his teammates, school life, and would need to find something else to do if he didn’t go back. Harrison seemed torn between dropping out and the work it would take to continue.
Grades from the first semester arrived — four A’s and a B+ for a 3.8 GPA. He also received a letter of congratulations for making the Dean’s List. Unfortunately in Harrison’s mind this was overshadowed by being on another Dean’s list that was much less flattering.
Meanwhile, I was having an internal debate myself. High school track season was looming, and I was stressed about another season of coaching in Westcliffe while assisting Harrison at college in Leadville. I had also taken on a book-editing project from longtime client and friend Phil Maffetone. It was shaping up to be a busy few months.
One day during break I took Harrison to the dirt track in Westcliffe for a workout. While he was running his intervals, Brooke Bomgardner drove up. Brooke was a senior and I had coached her in cross-country and track over much of her high school years. Her dad was the school counselor who had decided “let’s go with it” when Harrison sang the National Anthem at his graduation. We watched Harrison run and chatted about the upcoming track season. She was playing basketball now. We usually started track practice in early March. By the end of the conversation I realized I would be coaching track again that spring. I felt I owed it to Brooke and a couple of other athletes in her class to see them through their senior year.
The days ticked past, Christmas and New Year’s came and went, and the weeks gave way to a new year and a new semester. At last one day we packed up and made the trip to Leadville. There still seemed to be two voices battling it out inside Harrison’s head. One was excited to be going back. The other was fighting fear and anxiety.
Darren had planned a Sunday run for the team and after unloading at the college we met at the Mount Massive Golf Course west of Leadville. It was cold, gray and spitting snow lightly when we pulled into the parking lot. Nate was waiting in his car and Darren got out of his truck to greet us. As it turned out Harrison and Nate were the only runners to show up for this first run. We headed out into the wintry weather to run the six-mile Fish Hatchery Loop, finding some of the road snow-packed. Running with Nate seemed to perk Harrison’s spirits. I was also happy to see Nate running.
I had decided for the first few weeks to start staying over Monday evenings and going back home on Tuesday to provide additional support. That first Monday afternoon back at CMC I ran into Blueberry’s dad at the entrance to the residence hall. I was sad to learn from him that Blueberry would be transferring to another college. For much of the afternoon Harrison watched from the multipurpose room as Blueberry’s room was packed up. By the time they drove away Harrison’s ambivalent attitude toward the college seemed to have changed. He voiced that he wanted to stay at CMC with his teammates.
Notes from The Blur
During the winter break I was relieved to have a break from CMC, but became anxious about going back for the spring semester. This was partly due to lingering trauma from all the troubles during my first semester. I was scared that I was going to get in trouble for something before it even happened. This is what my therapist Bre calls “fortune telling.”
I understood that I didn’t have to go back, but going back was necessary to finish my degree, and my parents were encouraging me to keep going because they wanted me to succeed.
Darren sent out a winter training program for the upcoming track season. It was similar to cross-country, with mid-mileage runs, long runs every Sunday, and high-intensity interval workouts every Tuesdays and Fridays. Also, Darren assigned weight-lifting every Wednesday and Saturday. My dad helped me stay motivated by making sure I stayed on this training schedule.
One nice diversion during the break was that a musician named Max Gomez was performing a Winter Solstice concert at the Coaldale Schoolhouse, about 45 miles away. My dad had met Max several years ago in Taos, New Mexico, and keeps a lot of Max’s songs on his playlist. He was able to get tickets for the show. We arrived early and were able to get front-row seats. While we waited for the concert to begin, we talked to Max as he tuned his sound system. I was really excited and pumped up for the show.
I started recording videos with my phone, but after several songs, my phone died. I felt somewhat frustrated by this, but was able to stay quiet and not cause a disturbance. I ended up using my mom’s phone to record some other songs. Max seemed amused that I knew many of the lyrics to his songs, like “Run from You” and “Ball and Chain.” When the concert was over, Max gave me a shirt with his name and a signed guitar pick, and hugged me goodbye.
One day during the break, I got a call from my high school friend Kyleigh, who was home from Montana State University, saying she wanted to get coffee with me. I agreed to meet her in town. While there we ended up running into some other high school friends and it was fun to compare our experiences since high school.
The Sunday before classes began I agreed to drive up to CMC. There was a mandatory all-hall meeting that night. I sat in the cafeteria while the head R.A., Jack, went over expectations and guidelines for the residence hall. Then they split us into groups by floor and I met Nolan, the new R.A. on my floor. His room would be next to mine. Nolan introduced himself and went over expectations on his floor. He had everyone introduce themselves as well. He said to let him know if we had any questions or needed any help, and that he didn’t want to get us in trouble. He also added that one of his pet peeves was slamming doors.
There was a karaoke party later that night in the library. It was fun to be able to sing with my friends as an audience. On the way back to the dorm, some of the students started a playful wrestling match out in the snow. They tackled each other and threw snow around. They seemed to be quite fired up and blowing off extra energy ahead of the new semester. Classes would start the next day.
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