Adventures in guest teaching

School is out for the holiday break, but I was a busy “guest teacher” the past few weeks, as some teachers were sick, others had family and business obligations, and subs were in short supply. Many friends wonder why I would sign up for such duty, especially during the Time of Covid. Let’s just say it seems like a natural progression into one of the many things I do, and that I also find a sense of community service by helping out at our local K-12 school.

In recent weeks I even found myself subbing in the elementary school — in first and second grade. Previously, I'd mostly subbed in middle school and high school and those kids are for the most part more independent. But Coach Hal in first and second grade? Teachers around the school and others are still chuckling about it.

It was quite different. Obviously, the kids are much smaller, and high-energy. They stay in the same classroom all day rather than switch subjects. They have recess. I understand their math. They are hooked on phonics and thus their enunciation of some words requires a certain degree of translation. I grew so fond of being called “Mr. Howl” that I considered actually changing the spelling of my name.

One day a little kid in 1st grade announced that the girl sitting near him had lost a tooth. I said “O.K. show me this tooth.” She walked forward holding the molar out in her palm. It seemed so huge in her little hand. I asked if she were bleeding or needed to see the nurse. She said no.

I’m sure these kids must believe in the Tooth Fairy, so I suggested we find a Ziplock bag and put the tooth in it for her to take home. About half a dozen little kids went scurrying to find a bag in the cabinets. The girl bagged up her tooth and put it in her backpack. 

Then I told them all to get back to work.

A few minutes later, one of the kids announced that the same girl who had lost her tooth now had a nosebleed. Before I said anything, she walked forward with a tissue splotched bright red. I wondered if this had anything to do with the tooth. My first thought was, “OK. You need to go to the nurse.”

She seemed a little hesitant. I opened the door and watched her walk down to the nurse's office while keeping an eye on the class. 

She got there and the door was shut. She knocked. The nurse was apparently out. I waved for her to come back to the class.

At this point I was not sure what to do. Should I call the office? I told her to sit back down at her desk, tilt her head back slightly and pinch her nose up high.

By now she and her partner in crime were giggling. They had colored the “bloody" Kleenex with red markers. She didn't have a bloody nose after all.

I couldn't get mad because I was too busy trying not to laugh, not to mention the shock that first graders could be this crafty, and would work in collusion to fool me like that. I resorted to a “teachable moment” about The Boy Who Cried Wolf.

The rest of the day passed very quickly as the kids worked on math, I read to them from a storybook, and they took crayons to some Christmas coloring pages. Then one by one I sent them either to the buses or with their parents, and I left there pretty tired and wondering once again how real teachers do this day in and day out.

. . . And then on my way home I suddenly wondered if the tooth had been a setup too.