Early lessons in social cognition
As an autistic person, I often struggle with social interactions and reading verbal and non-verbal cues from other people. This is called “social cognition.” It also includes understanding body language, expressions and feelings. Electronic and social media also can be especially tricky for me.
During high school I started having a crush on a girl when I had a summer job at the Whitebird Emporium in Westcliffe. I worked there scooping ice cream, making coffee drinks, and sometimes I ran the cash register. Her name was Sallie and she was a classmate in art and choir. She even participated in dance and musicals, and was best friends with Abi, who was in the same grade as her. Also, she was very artistic and had a great singing voice.
One day when I was working, Coach Taylor and his family walked in and I scooped ice cream for them. It was fun to scoop ice cream for my old coach and his kids. Then around 1 p.m. when I clocked out, Sallie walked in. When I noticed her, I shouted in excitement and immediately handed over my iPod touch, which was actually my starter phone (or “WiPhone”), for her to enter her contact info in the Contacts app. Then when I left the Whitebird, I texted her repeatedly and of course, I heard nothing back. This upset me. I explained this to my dad and he told me not to text her too much or it might creep her out. He said she might even block me if I continued to bother her.
While this talk with my dad did help a little, I still went on her Instagram and liked every new photo she posted and even left a smiley face comment on one of her posts. I realize now that I was perseverating on her, and this would only continue throughout the cross-country season that fall including during practices and at meets where I would randomly talk about her.
The art teacher Miss Smith had a project called “What Lifts You” and it was posted on the bulletin board outside of her art classroom. The students each cut a leaf from a thick piece of paper, painted the leaf, and then drew several pictures related to themselves on the leaf.
One day, I tried to ask Sallie during class if I could take her picture so that I could use it to draw her on my leaf project. I still don’t know why I wanted to do this. I guess it was because I liked her and just wanted to see a drawing of her face on my leaf for whatever reason. She didn’t say anything. I thought that this was because she might not have wanted to see me become upset in front of everyone else in the classroom, and she might have also felt embarrassed. Later after lunch ended, the school psychologist talked to Sallie for a while, then I asked her again and she said no, and told me I should pick someone else. Because of this, I became really upset. Then the psychologist walked me up to the resource room where I continued to cry in the sensory room.
After this Sallie began to ignore me. I was giving her too much attention and then she gave me the cold shoulder. I was upset and confused about the whole episode. A couple of months later when I checked Sallie’s Instagram, I noticed that it said, “User Not Found.” I also noticed that the tags of her name on friends like Abi’s posts were gone. I kind of thought maybe that was because she blocked me.
Anyway, several months later, I finally managed to get myself past this whole Sallie thing and forget about the situation. A couple of months later after that happened, I noticed that her Instagram page was back up, but I did the right thing and decided not to follow her again or else I would run the risk of the whole thing starting all over.
Even to this day, I regret how I handled this situation and wish that I hadn’t obsessed about her and sent her all those texts and paying excessive attention to her on social media. If none of that happened, I think that she would have talked to me more. But I realize now that I can’t go back in time and correct the situation.
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