New realms of resilience
During the next week, Evan called to discuss Harrison after looking over his schedule and situation. He’d made a spreadsheet for each day’s schedule for Harrison and met with him to go over it. He also suggested adding Academic Writing Skills with Prof. Kelli McCall, who also was his College Experience professor. This brought Harrison to 15 credit hours.
We talked about other ideas to keep Harrison occupied when he was not in class or at practice. Evan also asked why Harrison was not on the running team scholarship, which covers room and board. I said that I did not know why Harrison was not on the running scholarship, or the particulars of how one qualified. He said he had adjusted this to include Harrison on the scholarship.
This was a huge relief, as I was really starting to stress about paying for all this. My aunt Carol, a philanthropist who provides scholarships to college students, had generously offered to help with Harrison’s school expenses. He also had two small scholarships from the Sangre Arts Guild back in Westcliffe. His running scholarship would now cover living expenses. We will always be deeply grateful for all the financial support Harrison received.
After the incident that sent him home, Harrison’s outbursts and behaviors elevated to new levels. His teammates became concerned. Along with Brooklyn, Nate stepped up with even more encouragement for Harrison. Ben was watching out for him with a protective eye. Zoe also upped her level of support and even told Harrison that she didn’t think he should have been sent home, or excluded on weekends. I was now consigned to driving about 500 miles a week to chauffeur Harrison back and forth, and staying a few nights a week in the dorm myself.
Regardless, Harrison’s entire mindset about college had been damaged, and this trauma would stick with him to some degree for the entire two years he attended the college. Suddenly years of progress had been thrown into a nightmarish tailspin of self-destructive behaviors — even suicidal talk and statements — and elevated reactions to just about any situation. He hyperbolically referred to himself as a “stalker” and to Lexi as his “victim.” He would throw himself face-down to the ground with his hands behind his back as if to be handcuffed. He started hitting himself in the head repeatedly, sometimes grabbing one wrist with the opposite hand and slamming his open palm into his forehead. He refused to do any homework until the last minute, and often only after a lot of prompting. His reaction to just about any request was to stomp and make a grunting noise or yell out, “Oh no!”
At home he became more aggressive. He threatened during a long Sunday run to jump out of the third floor of the residence hall when we got back to the college. For the next two years, whenever we arrived back at the college from a weekend at home he would duck behind the dashboard and hide on the floorboard refusing to go inside. Typically, I would begin to unpack the vehicle and fetch bags to his room. Sometime later he would finally get out of the vehicle and go inside, often hiding in the study room or in the MPR if nobody else was in there.
Besides all this, my immediate problem became juggling my coaching job in Westcliffe with shuttling Harrison back and forth to Leadville. The typical schedule was to pack up on Thursday, then after practice in Westcliffe, drive to Leadville. After Harrison’s practice with the team on Friday morning, we would drive back home. We’d see him through his workouts and school work over the weekend. Sunday evening we would return to the college and I would stay over again, get him set up Monday, then drive back to Westcliffe in time for practice.
I felt like we might be “exploring the rules” with the Friday mornings and Sunday evenings on campus but I really didn’t care at this point — it was insane to race up there early Monday and then expect him to go to class.
I was also exploring new realms of my own resilience. The second weekend of the sanctions I ironically had to coach middle and high school on the CMC trail system and I brought Harrison along. We steered clear of the dorms and Brooklyn came over to the cross-country course to keep Harrison company. Over that weekend I had driven to Leadville to bring Harrison home, traveled to and from Leadville to coach a meet, then drove to Leadville again to bring Harrison back — 750 miles in less than four days. I felt like there were forces afoot trying to grind me down, and the situation would soon become a test of my own will.
One day before the first meet Darren passed out the uniforms, shoes and clothing in his classroom. It was an exciting moment as the team lined up to try on their new kit and take pictures out on the college lawn. Harrison’s mood seemed to lift somewhat with the spirit of the team in getting their new gear. The first meet of their season was in Alamosa the following morning.
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