Storm clouds
Orientation week seemed like summer camp. When classes began that next week it became another story altogether. I was enrolled in four classes, including a College Experience class, Academic Literacy and Success and two welding classes — Oxy Fuels and Shielded Metal Arc.
In addition I had cross-country practice and it was also initially difficult for me to understand the schedule. In high school everyone had practice at the same time, after school. In college there were some team practices, but sometimes we had to run on our own or with other teammates depending on class schedules. Eventually I got better at understanding this and realizing that sometimes I would have to take responsibility for my own training. That first week of classes everyone was just doing their own thing and busy with things like classes and homework.
With the “summer camp” experience ending I was a little nervous to go to my first college classes — especially welding. It was a longer walk to the Rattling Jack shop and I had to get all my personal welding gear — boots, safety glasses, safety clothes together before trekking up there. Thankfully, Brooklyn walked with me to the welding shop my first class and gave me a hug before I went inside.
One day that week I had some free time so I decided to ride the entire loop of the Mineral Belt Trail on my bike. This loop was approximately 11.6 miles. While I was riding, I found some historical remnants from Leadville’s mining days, like an ore cart and walls made of stacked timbers. I did this ride because I wanted to challenge myself to do something on my own. When I got back to the college, I reflected on this accomplishment and others. Overall, the idea of living on my own in a dorm room was a big step for me. It allowed me more independence and to transition to a more typical young adult’s life away from home.
Not everything was all rainbows and unicorns, however. All during orientation week Lexi was trying to help me fit in. I gave her the nickname “Mini Taylor Swift” because she looked sort of like Taylor but wasn’t as famous. I find relationships with women confusing. I feel like boundaries are often blurred. I think I had been developing a crush on Lexi but she was just trying to be friends. I may have misinterpreted her intentions when she tried to help me calm down or when I became mad or upset quickly.
Thursday, Aug. 25, 2022, will be a day I never forget as it had a traumatic impact on the rest of my college experience. I was trying to get Lexi to run with me since I had nobody to run with that day. Unfortunately, this is where things started to go downhill. I ran up to her door and knocked on it. Then I asked her to go on a run. When she said “no,” I became very frustrated and freaked out. After this, I ran up and down the hall, yelling loudly and knocking on her door. Finally, as I was leaving, I yelled out, “I am scared of you!” and ran down to the head R.A. Jack’s room.
After I got there, he told me to go to Coach Darren’s office in the new Discovery Building. When I got there, Darren was calling the assistant dean to his office. After Evan got up there, he went over what I had done, and told me I had to go home for the weekend. He also told me that I was in Lexi’s bubble a little too much these past few days. Upon hearing this, I went berserk and threw myself to the ground, crying and screaming. At times, I even put my hands behind my back like I was going to be “arrested.” I even mentioned once that I wanted to be dead.
Evan had me come to his office while we waited several hours for my dad to get there. He tried to get me to calm down by reading a book together and watching a movie. While this did help somewhat, the meltdown continued until my dad arrived. I was still sobbing as I was walking out with my dad. This continued as we got something to eat in Leadville. While we were in the restaurant, I noticed I had received a missed call from Lexi. I had no idea why she was calling, although I guessed it had something to do with the situation.
On the way home, I sobbed once again but later fell asleep listening to soothing Peter Kater music on my headphones. We finally got home around midnight. I was still very upset about the whole situation but exhausted. I went inside and went to bed.
As I was spending the weekend at home, I missed the team’s outing to climb Mount Sherman, a 14,000-foot peak, and became very agitated when I saw pictures of it on Instagram. I did receive news that I could go back up that following Monday, although I had to have another meeting with Evan then.
When that day finally came, my dad drove me up to Leadville. On the way up there, my dad tried to explain personal space using the sky through the windshield. “Look at that little cloud up there all by itself. Do you think it’s lonely? No. It’s just floating around on this nice day doing its own thing.” As we turned the corner, we could see some other clouds. And sure enough, his friends were with him. “When they maintain space, the day goes by well. But, when they get too close together, there could be a thunderstorm.”
We arrived back at the campus and went directly to the meeting with Evan. I signed a piece of paper agreeing not to be loud in the halls again and to not to invade Lexi’s personal space. During the meeting, he also suggested that I stay home for a couple more weekends for a transition. I would be allowed on campus for weekends when I had team activities or other events but my dad would need to stay over with me.
Later that day I was back in the dorm and Lexi came walking down the stairs. I told her I was sorry for the incident the previous week. She accepted my apology and told me we would have boundaries set with each other and that we would still be friends. Also, she came up with a fist bump as a “see-you-later,” and then sweep her fingers in an effort to make me laugh. This was fine, as it was still respecting boundaries. However, later on I would develop a strong reaction to it after others like Brooklyn eventually picked up on it and said, “knucks” beforehand. This was due to something in my brain telling me that they were scared of me and trying to avoid me, although that wasn’t true at all. I became anxious about having another uncomfortable interaction. I sometimes hid away from Lexi in places like the residence hall and cafeteria. Once I even ran out of the Multipurpose Room and outside when I saw her coming down the stairs.
The next few weeks were a little bumpy. I felt like going home on weekends was more like a punishment, or a “sentence” than a transition. I also had a few problems in the dorms and at cross-country practice. Thankfully, these did not result in any more conduct meetings.
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